A New Chapter Before Us : School Days?!

I blinked and it happened. My baby graduated from preschool. It seems like just yesterday I was praying daily that my baby girl could thrive in an environment outside of my control. Preschool was the first time Elliana had ever NOT been with me, and now, in the blink of an eye her preschool days are over.

First Day of PreSchool 2012

First Day of School 2013

Kisses for big Sister on First Day

 Four days a week, four hours a day, 16 hours a week. September through May. Preschool was a huge part of our lives! And then, one day, this photo came home from school and it hit me. A new phase of our life was beginning. Full of unknowns, unpredictables. Full of Mommy anxiety, fear and worry.

I have to remind myself of those worries and fears I felt two years ago when Elliana first left my side and entered the world on her own. I have to remind myself of the beautiful growth school and change has brought her.  An opportunity to develop her own personality, her own friends, her own passion for things, rather than the ones I'd helped develop in her. By giving her freedom to be on her own, she has truly flourished and matured. This past year, Elliana has come home reciting bible verses, speaking Spanish and drawing pictures of Heaven in her free time.

 I prepared myself to be an emotional mess at the graduation ceremony, a reminder of just how fast time is going and how I no longer have a little baby. Instead, I beamed with pride as my now 5-year old sang a song in Spanish, counted to 25 in Spanish and confidently recited a bible verse.

 During the ceremony, each and every child was asked one question. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Of the approximately 80 children interviewed, my sweet Elliana was the only one to answer, "A Mommy" and the audience said "Awwwww" in unison.

Receiving her diploma

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what elementary school days will bring and I certainly can't allow myself to fathom the thought of junior or high school yet. I do know, that Our God is great. He loves my girls more than even TJ or I, and that alone calms me in my fears and worries about what lay ahead. I know that through change, Elliana has matured and grown. This reminds me that with future change, all will be blessed as well.

Post Ceremony Pic of the Family

Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it. 

One of those weeks...

This past week has been a bit crazy. Okay, in all honesty is has been a bit BEYOND crazy. In one week we've had: a vomiting child during the night, a missed school field trip, sick toddler resulting in six hours at Children's Hospital ER, breathing treatment and steroids (also in the middle of the night), 103+ degree temperature, a fight with my dad, missed play date with cousins, cancelled much looked forward to camping trip due to closed National Park, rescheduled camping trip at a new location, only to be cancelled again by the oldest child then sporting 103+ temperatures and Croup. Cancelled slumber party and more fun  play dates scheduled for the long holiday weekend, a very disappointed little girl,  a fussy toddler who can't always express what she wants/needs, missed dance class, disappointment at not rescheduling the camping trip, two days of missed school, waking every few hours to check temperatures/distribute medicine for each child, another doctor appointment, migraine, Oh and the deep freezer broke and we lost more than $100 worth of food that was stored and had a lot of melted ice cream to clean up.

So...it's been a week! It's easy to  let all of that stuff get you down. And, depending on the moment, it did/does get us down.  BUT... amidst the craziness, we've had lots of good things too. Today, I was reminded of the verse Psalm 107:1, "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."

I am choosing the good. I am giving thanks. And I LOVE the abundance of blessings we have been given...especially during one of those weeks.

Maya's Special Day

A few weeks ago we were blessed with family coming to support and encourage us as we dedicated Maya to raise her to follow Christ.  We stood before our church, family and a bunch of people proudly pronouncing that we will do our best to lead a positive example of Christ in our lives, to teach her love, grace and forgiveness. It was a day of tearful joy, gratitude and abundant blessings.

The specialness wasn't lost on Elliana, as she proudly marched up onto stage, beamed with delight and prayed with us. After our turn on stage, we returned to our seats, where Elliana kept leaning over to whisper to Maya, "You did so great Maya. I am so proud of you little sister. I love you." 

Lord, please bless this little girl, bless her with health, happiness, laughter, love and abundant blessings. We are grateful for each and every day that you have trusted us to be her parents.

A Year Ago

A year ago this week, our lives were quite different. In fact, it was not a pretty picture in our family. I had just had unexpected surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, was healing physically and wondering if I would ever heal emotionally after the loss of our pregnancy. As the "anniversary" of our loss approached, I had apprehension about the actual day we lost our baby. Frantic thoughts that the baby I am currently carrying would have a problem, irrational fears of horror stories that I never want anyone to endure, especially not my family.

Parts of the past year, ectopic pregnancy just a part of it, challenged our family in ways we hadn't before experienced. We grew in our faith. We grew in our love. We grew in our gratitude and appreciation for one another, our friends and family.

Through faith, we gained the courage to try again for a baby, in spite of the risk of it all happening again. Through grace we are currently being blessed with a healthy pregnancy. Through love, we are a stronger, healthier family than we were before.

Rather than being sad this week, I am praising God. I am praising Him for watching over my little baby in heaven, when I wasn't able to do so here on Earth. I am praising God for this tiny baby currently kicking me, growing and developing within. I am praising God for a healthy husband and little girl, who fill my days with happiness and laughter, even when circumstances or reminders try to fill me with sadness. I am abundantly grateful and blissfully happy.

Peace from within

Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)

⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.

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I've been reading and studying the bible for most of my life. It was only recently that this verse truly struck me and became abundantly powerful. For after all, worry can steal our joy. And amidst chaos and confusion, I will choice to rejoice in the abundance of joys surrounding me, and recognize the peace that is beginning to flourish from within.

* The joy of watching my daughter learn how to use the restroom. At her pace. Exceeding my expectations along the way.

* The peace of trusting in God, knowing that His plan is better than my own. Even when it doesn't make sense to me.

* The joy of friends and family who are supporting and encouraging us.

* The peace of knowing what happiness feels like, and cherishing each moment of uninhibited laughter as it comes.

* The joy of sharing my passions with my daughter, and watching her discover her own passions in life.

* The peace of finding the right scripture, at the right time.

* The joy of playing hide and seek with a 2-year old, especially when I know that she will hide in the same spot every time. And the laughter she tries to conceal as she watches me "look" for her.

And so, on this late Monday night, I will wrap up. For I know I cannot document all of the joys I am currently learning. Or the peace that I am experiencing amidst confusion. All I know is that we are going through a journey. A journey with ups, downs and crazy curves along the way. And I am not worried about it, for I have peace.

Three Decades of Learning

I think it is funny how things change as we age. Our goals, tastes, even our life dreams are all shaped by our faith, family, friends and life experiences.

Last week, I was reminded of such changes as my thirtieth birthday came and went. I thought over my three decades here on earth and reflected at the many amazing experiences I've already had. Opportunities to live abroad in a foreign country for a year, at the young age of 16. To graduate from an Australia high school, learn the culture and find a part of myself. The growth and love that I experienced in Australia continues to touch me to this day, as do the friendships and family that I made during that year.

My home away from home, Terrigal, NSW Australia

14 years after my year abroad, I continue to think of my "second hometown" as a wonderful, nostalgic place in which I long to be again someday. I am grateful to have already returned to the land Down Under two additional times since leaving my host family in 1998, once with the husband that I used to dream about and pray for while roaming the sandy white beaches of the Central Coast. I know that one day, we will return again with our children and I am already looking forward to that day.

My college roommate and I touring France, 2003

I reflected on my travels, friends, family and adventures in the past 3 Each bringing a unique experience, of which I wouldn't change a thing. The countries I visited prior to marriage, made me into an independent, worldly person, all before the age of 23. After marriage, I slightly regretted having gone so many places by myself, as I now longed to share those experiences with my husband. And so, together T.J. and I began to travel together, touring places I had never before been and a handful of places which I had been prior. Tahiti, Hawaii, Caribbean, Australia and various places within our own country. And now, with a two year old in tow, we continue to travel and learn and grow, as a family.

Our Happy Family on vacation, September 2010

As a young child, I dreamed of being a marine biologist or zookeeper when I grew up. That dream remained until junior high when I took my first biology class and realized sadly that my career choices were not in my future. I developed a love for writing and began pursing journalism. Until I learned of my love for psychology. Until I learned of my love and desire to be a wife and mom. And now, I am happily and joyfully living with a job I never knew I wanted, but feel like I was designed to do. Be a mom and a wife. I am so very glad that with age, my dreams have changed and brought me exactly to where I want to be.

Along with happy and grateful thoughts surrounding my thirty years thus far, I was also reminded of a recent loss of which I feel my heart will never fully recover from. A miraculous blessing bestowed upon us and taken away too quickly. A little life that we will never hold or watch grow. As hard as it is, I know that I am learning and growing from our difficult experiences, just as we do from our joyful experiences. And my faith reminds me that someday, we will be reunited with our child.

And so, I have now completed three official decades of life and learning. I am grateful for each and every moment of that time. The good and the bad. The sad and the glad. And I am looking forward to a lifetime of learning ahead of me and the beautiful family I have been blessed with.

Suffering and Blessings

As I type this, I am already having doubts on the likelihood of actually posting this blog. After all, this blog represents the happiness and joy that makes up our family. To post a blog of sadness or confusion just doesn't seem appropriate, almost like it would diminish the happiness normally reflected. Or...maybe a blog of our less happy moments will only accentuate the positive blessings. After all, we are a family through good times and bad.

It seems like everywhere we look lately, someone is suffering. Earthquake in New Zealand, riots in Libya, gas prices at record highs, the list goes on and on as these were just the first few headlines on the news feed. Our friends, family and ourselves are suffering in ways that I don't remember seeing coincide before. Everyone seems to be hurting in some way...at the same time.

My husband raised the question tonight if life has always been this way, and if we are more sensitive to it as our own suffering has increased. I admit, he got me thinking. Tonight, I laid in bed for over an hour with my mind racing. Thinking of blessings, suffering and how the two are related. I don't yet have an answer on that, but I do know that I refuse to let the sadness and confusion of this world continue to overwhelm or steal my happiness that I have been blessed with. I am God's child and I have faith that he will never give me or my loved ones anything to hurt us, but only make us stronger, somehow better people.

I love the following quote as it reminds me that amidst the pain, confusion and suffering of this world, blessings are continuing to flow. Abundant, perfect and unexpected blessings. And, I will continue to celebrate this family's blessings...past, present and future ones as well.

“When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place” ~ C.S. Lewis quote