2016 - A Year In Review

This past year, I was somewhat diligent about not updating the blog. Two kids in school, even for part of the day, a few days a week, makes less time for dedicated fun. The time we do have, it's far easier and quicker to send a few photos to friends via text or a quick update on Facebook or Instagram to catalog our life.

I admit, I don't update Facebook for others. I use it for myself as a quick way to document our lives, to cherish the itty bitty moments that are precious to us, to cherish the every day adventures that are passing far too quickly. It's an online scrapbook to me.

This blog is a bit more personal than a photo and a few sentences. It is the details behind the single snapshot. The blog helps explain the reason behind our actions and has been a part of our family even before we were blessed with kids. Having said that...here goes our 2016 summary.

2016 was full of uncertainty for our family. We've been itching for change and feeling uncomfortable being too comfortable. There has to be more to life than living for a paycheck and paying the bills. Add in some anxiety, two small children, lots of demands and obligations, well it made decision making more difficult. But, we tried to make decisions anyway.

We've had it on our heart for MANY years to be involved in ministry have more purpose with our jobs/our family, but we had absolutely no idea how to do that, as neither T.J. or I are very extroverted. I had been involved in volunteering at church and school for quite sometime, actually every moment a child was in school, I was volunteering,  but it just didn't seem to be enough to occasionally serve others, we wanted to do it more often, make it more a part of our life each and every day.

It was on our heart to help start a church, from the ground up, even though it terrified us. So,  when someone we knew announced they were moving to start a church, we began prayerfully considering moving to join them. We met with them several times over the course of a few months, and in May, T.J. and I ventured South to scope out the city and pray about the future of our family. I am always up for adventure and change, and it's no secret I have always wanted to live away from my hometown. I went into this trip confident that we were moving and merely going as a formality to confirm it.

We prayed. A lot. We prayed to be in unison with our thinking, as this journey would be intended to bring us closer and not divide us. Landing at the airport, I was giddy with excitement. Fireworks went off in the distance as we landed, and it all just felt magical. Especially as the car rental company upgraded us to a convertible at no cost. It felt like God's hand was all over this trip. We prayed to slow our thinking and open our eyes. We prayed to see the situation, good and bad, known and unknown, to either be blown away or our emotions knocked down to blah. We prayed for a distinct role in this new organization that would match our skills, so we could be authentic and hit the ground running.

However, it became clear that my desire for our family was not God's plan, at least not there. At least not now.  I cried. I got mad at God. I grieved. It had all made sense...until it didn't. Back to square 1. We spent a lot of the summer kind of going through the motions, numb and unsure of what to do next.

Anxiety continued to rear it's ugly head and decided to stick around for the year.  But, we learned a lot along the way and are making great progress in healing.  We did make the much needed decision to take Elli out of her old school and start a new private school. I'm still very happy with this decision,  and have seen my baby girl regain the confidence and happiness that she had been missing in her old school. She's rocking good grades and we have seen such character growth in her.

Maya started her second year of preschool, and I am slowly adjusting to the idea that my girls are growing up. I suppose I had better get used to the idea given both will be in school all day next year. Luckily, Maya is still off school two days a week, which allows us to still get much needed quality/lazy time. 

Vacations are still a crucial part of our family time, so we made it a priority. You can read more about those here. 

The girls both took up fall soccer. Elliana showed such growth and athleticism on the field, and truly LOVED the sport. She scored her first goal and was so humble she barely acknowledged us cheering like crazy people from the sidelines. 

Maya loved the first game, and all of the practices, but actual games freaked her out. She gave great logic as to her reasons for not liking games : 

1. I don't like to play outside, only inside, because I was born inside. It's not my fault. 
2. Each week the other team changes their uniform color. It's weird. 
3. People just keep running to me. Why can't we walk? 
4. It's just not fun. Practice is fun. 

A few more highlights of 2016....

The tooth fairy came for the first time and visited 4 times in 2016

Maya began reading! 

 We jumped onto the American Girl doll bandwagon, one that I had tried to avoid, but now am so glad I embraced. These girls and their dolls, are just too stinking cute. Though, I was unaware of the additional time getting the dolls AND the children ready to go somewhere.

Overall, 2016 was a great year. We still don't know what the future holds for our family, but we are learning to embrace the unknown and find peace in knowing that God's plan for our family is so much more than we can hope for. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

Reclaiming myself

I admit, not writing on the blog has been an intentional decision. It was an intentional decision as a result of several less intentional, subconscious decisions. Last Fall, for the first time in my life as a stay-at-home mom, I had three hours a day, three days a week, where no children were in my care. A total of 9 hours of child free time. If you factor in travel time to and from school, it averaged to about 7.5 hours each week.

This concept of being alone should have thrilled me. Most moms can rattle off a list of activities or chores they would do if given extra time, without their children "helping" each step of the way. I, however, was paralyzed in fear at the thought.

When I gave up my career,  I had recreated my identity and self worth as a stay-at-home mom, and without my children "at home" with their mom...then who was I?   Before my youngest even had her first day of preschool, I had already committed several hours a week to volunteering in our church, in each girls school and weekly bible studies (all during those 7.5 hours child free). As best I could, I would squeeze in grocery shopping, birthday/Christmas shopping, school party planning, field trip chaperone, Girl Scout Cookie mom, exercise, cleaning and basic chores, so as to maximize my time with each girl when they were home from school.

When the children returned home from school, we played, we crafted, we baked, we learned. Activities were together and organized.

I see now that this logic created a fundamental flaw.As it turns out, the formula for "superwoman" was definitely not the formula for "supermom."  It required me to be some version of superwoman that I was ill equipped to achieve.  I became a human robot going through the motions, smiling along the way, while slowly losing a piece of myself. I never allowed myself to just "be."

This logic taught my children that I was always available to do whatever it was they requested (or eventually demanded). They had my undivided attention, and came to expect it. I noticed they began to stop playing with toys as much and instead expected me to entertain them.  They began to expect constant plans, and not appreciate the activity or effort put forth to achieve such an amazing feat. 

The more I gave to others, the less whole I became. I gave less joyfully. I lost sleep trying to achieve impossible standards. I encouraged others less and found myself needing a ridiculous amount of encouragement for mundane tasks. I lost my temper often. I lost my purpose. In an effort to be everything to all people, I lost who I was to begin with. I had nothing left to give. 

Recently, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The realization that this cannot keep up, nor is it healthy to maintain. This is not who I was created to be. I am more than what I've allowed myself to become. Today, is the first step of many...I cancelled my commitments to take a day to reflect, recharge and relax. And there will be no guilt associated with it. 

Back to School 2015

Summer has come and gone and the school year came upon us far more quickly than any of us imagined. It was a whirlwind summer, full of laughter, adventure, travel, learning and growth.

But, the school year snuck up on us nonetheless. 

 We did our annual back to school hair cuts and shopping with Papa Jim. 

 And since Maya is starting school this year too, she joined us in our annual back to school manicures too! What a special tradition with these young beauties! 

 First day of first grade deserves a cake!!

 First day of preschool and Maya loved it! How on earth do I have two kids in school?!

Praying for safety and happiness, valuable friendships and character building for these sweet girls. May the Lord protect them in all they do! 

For the love of gingerbread....

This coming Monday will mark the sixth year of hosting a gingerbread party for 12 kids, 7 years old and younger. It gets crazy, and messy, and is one of my most favorite days of the year.

It wasn't always this crazy. The first year, it was a handful of toddlers (6), a baby and a few close friends. The moms pasted graham cracker houses on milk cartons while the kids ate candy. It was simple, yet beautiful.

First year...

A few more siblings have joined our friendship circle, kids have developed opinions and want to decorate the houses themselves, and entirely too much sugar is ingested. But trust me, it's still absolutely beautiful! 

Flashback to 2013...all kids 5 and under...

Because this tradition is going strong, custom outfits seemed only appropriate. 

I wanted something roomy and a mix between a dress and shirt. The Patricia tunic pattern from Scientific Seamstress was a perfect answer! First I found my fabric, a beautiful, bold, glittery gingerbread house fabric from JoAnn fabrics. Then I started cutting it out...

I stalled as much as possible to start sewing it, as I am constantly interrupted with two little ones, and honestly, I've learned that procrastination somewhat suits me. The pattern was super easy to use as I am a beginner compared to most, and have had no actual training on how to sew. Just a couple of youtube videos and blogs from Pinterest and now I pretend like I actually know what I'm doing. 

 I added the contract fabric to the sleeves as well to add some extra fun, and to reduce the bright pink bubble gum color fabric I chose for my main fabric.

I had enough fabric left over to make my daughters twirly matching skirts for the party as well. This was a fun little project, and one step closer to our annual gingerbread house decorating party next week.

Tea Party Birthday Celebration

Maya was adamant she wanted a tea party celebration for her third birthday. And so, the tea party preparations began!

 I found this tea pot fabric one day and designed the party around it....knowing that I had high aspirations to make fancy tea party dresses. This was my most complicated dress pattern I had yet to make, but I loved the halter style neckline and flowing skirt, so I had to at least give it a try!

Maya spinning in circles, with delight...

Skipping an hour of sleep here and there allowed me to make matching dresses for both Elliana and Maya...which I was very pleased with the results.

Skipping an hour of sleep here and there allowed me to make matching dresses for both children...which I was very pleased with the results.

Given I had spent most of my birthday budget on fabric (seriously, even with coupons, how on Earth is fabric SO expensive?!), I had to make some thrifty shopping choices for the rest of the party.  I scored a complete coordinating set of tea cups and saucers at Goodwill that matched the colors I had already decided to use.

Set of 8 cups and saucers...$6

For snacks and food we served pink cupcakes, finger foods and lots of chocolate covered goodies. Pink lemonade and sweet tea were also served. 

tea party snacks, dainty and cute...

more yummy decadent snacks

Despite the food and table decorations, I still felt the party needed more decorations, but low on cost. I raided my scrapbook paper to find coordinating colors and used this template to cut out tea pot shapes. Once they were cut out, I taped them (yes, high class, I know) to the tulle I had left over from another sewing project. Wah- la! A practically free themed birthday banner for the family room. 

And then, because I was somewhat used to not sleeping at this point, I used the same template to make two more teapots, and made my own pull string pinata in the colors of the tea party. I had learned from my previous party planning days that young children and hitting at pinatas do not mix, so pull string pinata was definitely the way to go! 

Lucky for me, Easter was a few weeks ahead and the cute hats, pearls, gloves and purses were purchased for each girl from the Dollar Spot at Target. We used these cute girly accessories as party favors and adorned the chairs for added decoration.  

For crafts, we used even more tea pot templates pre-cut and gave the girls glitter, pom poms and markers to create their own tea pot to take home. If the party were for an older age group, paint your own pottery would have been fun, but for the target audience of three-year olds...that wasn't in the cards.  

decorating their own tea pots...

At last, present time and cupcakes arrived. I admit, I love that sea of little girls in hats as the birthday girl opens her presents...such a pretty sight! 

The birthday girl selected pink cupcakes, with pink sprinkles of course...

Happy Tea Party to All, and to all a good night!