A Year Ago

A year ago this week, our lives were quite different. In fact, it was not a pretty picture in our family. I had just had unexpected surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, was healing physically and wondering if I would ever heal emotionally after the loss of our pregnancy. As the "anniversary" of our loss approached, I had apprehension about the actual day we lost our baby. Frantic thoughts that the baby I am currently carrying would have a problem, irrational fears of horror stories that I never want anyone to endure, especially not my family.

Parts of the past year, ectopic pregnancy just a part of it, challenged our family in ways we hadn't before experienced. We grew in our faith. We grew in our love. We grew in our gratitude and appreciation for one another, our friends and family.

Through faith, we gained the courage to try again for a baby, in spite of the risk of it all happening again. Through grace we are currently being blessed with a healthy pregnancy. Through love, we are a stronger, healthier family than we were before.

Rather than being sad this week, I am praising God. I am praising Him for watching over my little baby in heaven, when I wasn't able to do so here on Earth. I am praising God for this tiny baby currently kicking me, growing and developing within. I am praising God for a healthy husband and little girl, who fill my days with happiness and laughter, even when circumstances or reminders try to fill me with sadness. I am abundantly grateful and blissfully happy.

8 weeks...

We are in the home stretch of this pregnancy, as I enter the 32nd week this week. And, although approximately 8 weeks still remain until our baby girl arrives, I find myself filling my days with preparation for our expanding family. Whether it is the hormones, nesting or just me striving for perfection, I am literally using every ounce of energy I have to prepare.

The funny thing is, my definition of preparation is different than other expectant mommas. The to-do list that keeps me up at night doesn't involve installing the car seat or packing the hospital bag (though it probably should), but instead craft projects for my daughter's room, sewing projects I want to complete and recipes I want to try nag at me. And, if someone even mentions scrap-booking to me, I feel completely overwhelmed as my goal was to finish Elliana's first year album before her sister arrived and given I have completed only the first month, it is quite evident that will not happen.

I really can't explain the irrational thoughts that run through my head, or the way that I can be laughing one minute and crying the next. I can't explain the reason I look and feel three times bigger at this point than I did with my first pregnancy. But, I do know that I am cherishing this pregnancy, in a way that I didn't know how during my pregnancy with Elliana. I am savoring each kick, even the strong 2 am kicks. I am allowing each craving I experience and am feeling no shame in wearing my husband's clothing as it is far more comfortable than my own.

You may be asking what the point of this blog entry is....and I wish I could tell you. As I did have a clear idea of where this writing would go when I began. That idea is now gone, but I do feel a sense of accomplishment in just getting some thoughts out there...no matter how random they may be.

Now this pregnant momma is going back to an afternoon snack of skyline chili dip and relishing in the remaining moments of nap time.

Happy Birthday T.J.!

Today, my sweet husband celebrates his birthday. But, I truly think it is Elliana and I who are celebrating. After all, we get to enjoy his laughter, humor, wisdom and love day in and day out. If that's not a gift to celebrate, then I don't know what is.

Although I've known T.J. almost nine years now, I vaguely remember my life prior to we met. Yes, it was 22 years of life full of adventure, travel and education before I met what would be my husband, but the past nine years of life with T.J. by my side has truly made me the "me" I was created to be. His love woke up a part of my soul that was sleeping prior, a part that was saved just for him and only him. And I am beyond grateful.

T.J., although we weren't able to meet you for lunch and your day isn't going as you had planned, I hope and pray that you know today and always how very much you mean to these girls in your life. We count down the minutes until you get home from work each day and we can spend quality time together. And lucky for me, that should be in the next hour or so!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUBBY!!

Elliana the Ballerina

Last week, Elliana began her first organized class and by choice, she choose ballet. And, although I am a bit biased...darn she is cute!!

I am constantly impressed by her ability to follow direction and mimic the teacher, though as the video shows... 3-year olds don't always do it perfectly, but they sure did a great job!

Nerf Ambush

As you know, normally Ashley posts to our blog, but she is no longer capable. I was ambushed by my family when I arrived home from work today, but as you can see I was the only survivor.

It was a great attempt to catch me off guard, but they should have known from my experience I am always prepared and quite capable of handling any ambush, even, and especially from loved ones.

Good try Ashley and Elliana. Next time weigh your opponent before making any attempt to conquer them.

PS - Thanks for the fun surprise!