Here I go.
Maya woke several times during the night, making me realize we need to let her cry it out and soothe herself back to sleep. Again. Which, in my opinion, really really sucks. It's my motherly instinct to never let my baby cry, especially when I can help, assist or "fix" whatever might be ailing her. But, at 9.5 months, nursing 3 times a night isn't doing either of us any good.
At 4 years old, Elliana seems to be training to be a part of the CIA with her super sensory skills. Whenever a light or noise comes from Maya's room, Elliana is quick to call us in to her room to find out what's going on, what's wrong and how we are fixing it. She calls and calls while I try to nurse, calm and soothe her baby sister. If I ignore her too long, I hear a rather impatient, "MOMMY, I AM CALLING FOR YOU" escape through the monitor. And so, at 6:00 am this began. Upon entering her room, she clearly announced she was awake for the day. No amount of persuasion or convincing on my part was able to change her mind. She continued to call every few moments until I finally gave up around 7:00. Both girls had been awake for an hour, so at that point, what did it matter.
Bickering between the girls started rather quickly (didn't even know it was possible at 9 months and 4 years, but they proved me wrong). Followed by whining, crying and endless requests. By 8:00 I was drawing bath water when I hear crying, and see Maya crawling her way BACK UP the stairs that she was just moments before at the top of. Correction, moments before, she was by my feet while I was drawing the bath water. Nothing like an infant falling down the steps to get the heart pumping and the panic level to a new high. Aside from what looks like a bruise on that cute head, Maya seems to be fine from her fall. I can't yet say the same for my nerves.
While comforting Maya, Elliana began her numerous requests again, resulting in me yelling (which I hate) and her pouting (which breaks my heart). In the bath, I slowly began to take band aids off Elliana's vaccination sites (the drama of yesterday) when Maya joined in the fun and grabbed a band aid and ripped it off. I laughed. Elli cried. Maya cried.
Internally, I'm dealing with the endless Mama Drama conversation that never turns off in my head.
What can I do to help Elliana learn to read? Should we take dance and gymnastics classes with Elliana's friend? What about swim classes? Should we do them all? No, that would be silly, but at least one would be good...which one? Can we even afford these classes? What am I making for dinner tonight? When will I clean this house? What's the point, it will only get dirty again. Oh, wait. Maya likes to play in toilet, guess I should at least clean those. Oh and she eats food off the ground, guess I should sweep the floors at least. Did I ever change the laundry or is it still wet in the washing machine? Hmmm...better check. Hmmm, that squash is starting to smell good. When should I finish that craft I started? I need to put the Christmas wreath away. Shoot, I need to buy diapers. I wonder if I will ever finish the sewing projects I began......
I'm not going to keep going with the details of our morning from there. More drama. More crying. More emotions. More. More. More. You get the picture. I was on overload. I was grumpy.
While driving to drop Elliana at school, I began to pray. I prayed gratitude that Maya was okay. That she caught herself or the Lord caught her (didn't actually see what happened) and that she didn't fall down the ENTIRE flight of stairs. I gave thanks that Elliana stopped whining and began helping out and listening, just before leaving for school. I gave thanks for the safe, reliable car that was able to take us all out in the rain to a Christian preschool. I gave thanks for Elliana's teachers, their dedication to teaching and making it a fun environment.
I'm giving thanks, right now. Thankful that for the first time in a LONG time, the house is quiet and Maya is actually sleeping longer than the 20 minutes per day she has been sporting all week. Thankful that I am actually roasting (right now!) the fresh vegetables I bought at the grocery, in hopes of sneaking in some veggie purees into our family meals. Thankful that I can finally start to see the bottom of my coupon clipping, organization mess I started four days ago. Thankful that I can literally feel the stress and chaos of this morning melt away as I focus on my blessings and spit out the negativity that was trying to ruin my day.
I'm thankful that when I called my husband freaking out this morning, that he didn't make me feel like a failure for not watching Maya closer. He was swamped at work with his own dose of drama and stress, and he waited for me to vent, listened and said, "Maya will be fine. I love you." And we hung up. That was what I needed.
Today will be a good day. In fact, it already is. I'm just choosing to look at it in a better light than I saw it all in this morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please provide feedback in the comments. We want to hear from you if you are reading.