Mommy Meltdown

Well, I about lost it today. Let's be honest. I did lose it. Just for a moment. But, right there in the middle of the bedding aisle of Kohls, I felt my sanity slip away...

The day had started out lovely. Up before the sun, some uninterrupted talking with my hubby (a rarity!), a special homemade breakfast cake delivered for my morning bible study from my awesome friend, just an overwhelming happy feeling...the kind that the rainy winter days have been trying to steal from me lately.

After bible study, the girls and I were all still happy, and full of energy so we went to run some errands.  That too was going great. Maya fell asleep in the car shortly before arriving at Kohls. Smiling to myself, I began to envision a quick shopping trip with a happy 4-year old and a sleeping baby. Well, two minutes after carrying the heavy car seat into the stroller and wheeling ourselves inside, Maya awoke, all too unhappy to be awake. She woke up grumpy.

Taking Maya out of the car seat and allowing her to walk around the store kept her happy....almost too happy. She was happy to explore her new walking freedom by pulling clothing off shelves, stuffing them into the stroller, where I quickly unloaded the stroller and tried to put things back, thus infuriating her once again. This game continued until I could distract her with pushing the stroller toward the next department. She pushed that stroller with all her might, until she got distracted and just let go, and walked toward whatever caught her interest.

Strapped in the stroller, Maya squirmed, flipped and stood up trying to crawl out. So, out of the stroller she went. Again. And again we began the pulling off shelves, screaming, and overall refusal to be held, stay still or not touch everything in the store.

Let's add in the coupons I was trying to use, the mental calculations I was making, the non-stop questions of a 4-year old and the persistent crying of my nearly 1 - year old....well... I was losing it. Plus I was trying to remember the mattress size of the bed we are wanting to buy and find the appropriate sheets without over paying, comparing thread counts, styles and find the right packaging PLUS predicting which color comforter we will one day purchase. My mind was on overload. If I were a cartoon, I would have had smoke coming from my ears and twirly circles in my eyes. Lucky for my husband, he called my cell phone immediately during this scene. I vaguely remember blubbering something to him about this not being the relaxing shopping trip I had envisioned.

I cried. I allowed the physical release of all I was feeling to escape through tears. Right in the middle of Kohls. Almost immediately, I felt better.

Even as I type this blog, I have two non-napping children, both of whom are literally climbing over top of me reaching for the laptop, trying to delete my writings, talking and interrupting my thoughts, jumping on the couch and dropping food crumbs over my freshly cleaned floors. However, I am okay with all of this. In fact, if I allow myself, I even enjoy it. I enjoy the love that my girls have for me and each other. I enjoy the smiles on their faces when I enter the room, even if I was gone for just two seconds from their eye sight.

We all need little meltdowns.  And I'm grateful that in the midst of my meltdown, I didn't yell. I didn't lose my cool with my beautiful girls. I did however toss snacks at each of them, granting me a few seconds of quiet to regroup and focus on what was truly important.